Grosser than Gross

Remember those old jokes? They were popular when I was like 8. The point was to try to gross out your friends, which I don't actually think is funny, but hey, I guess I did when I was 8. The one that I remember is "What's grosser than finding a worm in your apple?" And the answer is "Finding half a worm."

So, I've got a new one, which is the mother of them all, and it just so happens to be true: "What's grosser than changing a poopy diaper?" Answer: "Changing a poopy diaper and then seeing a little opaque worm crawl out of your daughters butt!!!" EWW!

Yes, that's right, Addien has pinworms. And seeing one actually crawl out of her was by far the grossest thing I have ever witnessed. The worst part of it is that everyone in the family is being given a dose of anti-worming medicine, except for me because I'm pregnant. So even though I don't have any symptoms of infection, it's possible that I'll be harboring these little beasts for the next six months, and that really is grosser than gross.

Arghhh!!!

I just spent about 40 minutes writing a post about March of the Penguins. And it's gone. Gone, gone, gone. Arghh!

Waiting for the Sun

The sun is shining brightly here in Bedford today, which is a nice change. That song by The Doors, Waiting for the Sun, is running through my head. Even though it's there outside, metaphorically I still feel like I'm waiting for it. It's been a rough few months. Leaving California in August was so hard. I miss my family too much to bear sometimes. And then shortly after we got home Will died. The grief of that mixed with the worry and the sadness at being too far away from our friends overwhelms me at times. And we moved, which was a good change, but hard work. And on top of that I've been going through progesterone poisoning with this baby. I'm so thankful to be able to get pregnant and have healthy babies, but I can't help not liking the first couple of months of feeling sick all the time. There's a lot of good in my life, and there's a lot of sadness too. Right now I feel like the sadness is winning out over the good, and then I think, "You ungrateful git."

In the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film, Violet's mother goes with her to the factory, and she says to her "Eye on the prize, Violet. Eye on the prize." And isn't that really what Paul says to the Corinthians? Keep running the race. So, I'm wondering, What is the prize? What is it that I'm running for. Jesus' triumphant return? The end of my life? The full realization of God's Kingdom? Is the prize supposed to make all the crap that I'm feeling right now just disappear? Should I be so focused on the end that none of the temporal stuff matters? How does that work?

Tim and I were talking the other night about our lives and about the emergent church and about fundamentalism, and it was one of the best talks we've ever had. But it left me feeling like maybe I've never really seen Jesus, not really. Because if I had, if I really believed to the depth of my soul that the Creator of the entire universe, the Word of God, came to the earth in the form of a baby born into a dirty cattle trough, and that He then lived to teach us how to live and then died on the cross in my place, wouldn't my life look a lot different than it does now? Wouldn't I be a lot more focused on carrying on his work and not so focused on making sure my needs and wants are met?

I feel a bit stuck. My life doesn't look the way I want it to. But I feel pretty powerless to change it. I don't really know what to do. I'm just waiting.

The World's Worst Blogger

Yeah, that's me. I was never good at journalling. I'd be pretty consistent for a few weeks and then disappear for months at a time. I hoped I'd be a bit different when it came to my blog, but thus far the pattern has been pretty similar. Granted, this last disappearance was due to moving and my computer being shut up in a box for three weeks. And me throwing up nearly every day for about 6 weeks. But even so, I'm a bit annoyed with myself for being so inconsistent.

So. what's been going on with me? Well, I got pregnant with baby number 3 about 12 weeks ago and have been sick for about 8 weeks now. Very exciting and yet not very fun at the same time. We had the scan, and all seems well. Say hello to Hattrick Davies.

We moved to a village outside of Bedford called Clapham. It's quiet and clean. We have a big back yard and modest front yard, and it's a much brighter, more nicely laid out house. It's taken some getting used to. I miss being able to walk into town and being able to see my friend Abi whenever I feel like it. But I do like the house and the neighborhood, and Tim absolutely loves it.

Addien turned one, and isn't she a beauty?

I read Rees Howells, Intercessor. And I was amazed. This man really seemed to know the voice of God. He compared hearing God's voice to knowing the sound of your mother's voice. And I thought, man I've got a long way to go.

I made my first Creative Memories sale, followed by seven more. I placed an order today for just over 300 pounds, and I managed to make a loss of 4 pounds. Ouch.

And I took my first driving lesson, which I found scary and intimidating. The instructor is lovely, but I realized that I have a long way to go before I can pass my driving test. Roundabouts are still scary, I still have no concept of how close I am to the cars to my left, and learning to switch gears and indicate with my left hand is going to take a while.

So, that's been me for the last month or so. I've been challenged to write more about theology/philosophy/emergent stuff, and so I've been thinking about that. But so far I don't think I have much to say. Check back in a few days.