Drama Queen

In my head, I am a very cool, calm, and collected mother who, above all else, is IN CONTROL. I didn't realize how much this image means to me until last night, when I completely lost all that could be considered calm and FREAKED OUT.

I was in our bathroom running the girls' bath. Macy was outside screaming because she wanted to come in and couldn't because the floor is stripped of carpet and covered in mildew. (Whoever thought it was a good idea to carpet a room which has the sole purpose of being wet was a little stupid, if you want my honest opinion. But I digress.) Cerys was standing in the doorway blocking Macy's way. The screaming didn't change pitch, but I heard Cerys' little voice saying "I'm sorry, Mommy. I didn't mean to." I looked down to see Macy's mangled pinky finger, which had just escaped from being trapped in the hinge side of a closing bathroom door. I have never seen anything so disgusting. The tip of her pinky finger was mangled. Almost completely flat in two different locations, and bent to one side. I was sure it was going to fall off. I just started screaming. Not yelling, just hysterically screaming. I'm not sure where the cool, calm, collected mother went, or perhaps she is just a fantasy, but a hysterical, irrational, foolish mother stepped in and called the ambulance. An ambulance!! For a finger! I just didn't know what else to do. I had two other crying children on my hands, no husband, no neighbors at home, a car, but no wits about me with which to operate a vehicle. And so I called 999, emergency services, and ordered up an ambulance. I then called my husband and screamed "GET HOME NOW". Then I called my friend Peggie, and did the same thing to her. The paramedic arrived to one screaming baby, two crying children, a chagrined, sobbing mother, and a pinky that had miraculously reformed into a rather normal looking finger, except for a bit of under-surface blood and swelling.

They decided to take us in anyway, for x-rays, and so we strapped her carseat onto the gurney, as she screamed, and Peggie stayed with the girls until Tim arrived. About 10 minutes into the ride, the Children's Nurofen and perhaps some adrenaline kicked in, and Macy happily flirted with the paramedic until we got to the hospital. For the next two hours I sat and paced, and held Macy who couldn't have been happier to have alone-time with her mommy in a fun waiting area filled with germ-infested toys. When the results of the x-ray came back completely clear, I was equally relieved and annoyed, really glad that Macy was okay, but also thinking that I had once again wasted several hours of my life in the emergency room waiting area for nothing.

I pray there won't be a next time, but if there is, I'm going to do my best to remember that fingers trapped in doors bounce back, and if I can survive the initial horror perhaps I can play Dr. Mom at home instead.

Practicing the Presence

Have finally started reading this book. Love it.

I have been praying for the last several months for God to make me aware of his presence in my everyday activities. Pleadingly I have told him that I need him to meet me at the kitchen sink, because that seems to be where I spend most of my time. I don't have the luxury of spending hours in prayer and meditation, nor do I have the energy to go out to prayer meetings and worship events in the evenings, so I need God to meet me while I change nappies, wash dishes, peel potatoes, and read stories. After my last day away at Turvey Abbey I went to church in the evening, having spent the day writing in my journal about this issue. Simon, the lead elder at our church, came and prayed for me. Not knowing the journey I've been on, he said, "Greta, I've sensed this before and haven't said anything, but I sense the anointing of Brother Lawrence on you. The presence of God was with him as he peeled potatoes in the kitchens, and his brothers had to make him go to the prayer closet--he didn't ever want to because he said he met with God just as well, if not better, whilst doing his chores." I laid on the floor and wept for about half an hour. The presence of God was on me in a way I haven't experienced before, and I felt, perhaps for the first time, not only the deep love of God for me, but the deep interest he has in my heart's desires. As I lay there, I knew that God had heard my secret prayers, and was delighted to answer them.

I feel like I've started a new journey that is both exciting and scary. What will it look like to try to consciously open myself up to the will and mind of God every minute of every day? I know there will be successes and failures, joy and pain, blessings and sacrifices. I am hoping others who are on the same journey will come alongside me and share their adventures, encouraging me on to deeper intimacy with Christ, baby-step by baby-step.

The Kelsey Hoppe Fan Club

I've been wanting to write a post about this lady for a while, but hadn't gotten around to it. I won't try now that my blog-guru has raised the bar higher than I could possibly achieve. I will just say, "Amen."

Macy turned one a month ago, and I finally managed to upload her video, so here it is. Sorry for the poor quality--I was too impatient to wait 45 minutes for the hi-res to upload! For those of you who don't know Emma, she's my friend who has two children close in age to Cerys and Macy. They are our surrogate family in Bedford, along with Peggie and Eden, all of whom were with us to celebrate Macy's birthday, and it's Emma who puts Macy's hat on at the beginning of the video. Happy belated birthday, Macy Sue!

Today's heresy

In response to iPete, here we go.


I don't really understand all the physics, or exactly what a TOE is, but here's my thinking on how there will be lots of everybody in heaven, (or whatever reality there is after we die). I've been doing the Lectio Divina fairly often lately, and last night I was doing it with my husband using Ephesians 1:11:

In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will

The phrase that struck me was "works out everything," and what I sensed was God working like crazy to bring everything back into alignment with his will. It seemed to me that we're constantly throwing things out of whack, and he's constantly maneuvering things to get them back in sync, like billions of times a day, and that's just what God does. And it occurred to me that if we could all just work with God, eventually things would stop getting out of whack. Since I'd been pondering the question posed by iPete, that played into my heart's listening, and I felt God remind me that his will is that "none should perish, but all should come to repentance" (2 Pet 3:9) Which made me think that if God's will is that no one should perish and he's always working to get things in line with his will, then why are we so worried about getting people into heaven? He told us to go make disciples, and if we do that, then a lot more people will be working with God, and perhaps the revolution that Jesus started can finally end.

To conclude, I guess my TOE is that Jesus has salvation covered to his liking, and my job is to work with him to make disciples. At the moment I've got three I'm working on, actually, me makes four, and my husband makes five.

The best news ever!

Our holiday was a bit of a misadventure, so the drive home was a bit tearful until we saw this. And another highlight, which was slightly dampened five minutes later by the news that our tent had just collapsed beyond repair, was this.

Yay Stavs! Yay Lueckes!