Choosing sides

A birth
A death
An operation
A departure

All happened across a massive expanse
That I cannot cross today
Or tomorrow or the next
Because money and time prohibit the journey

A relatively short voyage
Will allow me to briefly partake
In the lives I'm missing on that side
But the life on this side will beckon me home

Here I laugh and love and enjoy
Grieve and commune and live
And also pine for what I can for now
Only partake of in my imagination

Across the ocean
That is deceptively vast
Lies a world I long for
But here is bounty beyond measure

Forever torn
But still choosing here
Conscious that the other world
Holds the same fate

Battle of the Bulge

I've had an ongoing battle with my weight since I hit puberty. I just love food. And wine. And I have this terrible habit of celebrating with food when I hit my weight-loss goals. Also of comforting myself with food. I knew I was a comfort eater the day my boxes arrived in England from America. The movers stacked all the boxes into the smallest room of our house, and you couldn't even walk in. The room was full floor to ceiling with boxes, a veritable mountain of boxes. Our freezer was in our back garden in a spider-infested, dimly-lit shed. I took a spoon outside, took out the Ben & Jerry's and stood there devouring the Caramel Chew Chew right from the tub until I felt strong enough to face the mountain.

I've realized this summer that not only am I sabotaging my dreams of the perfect body when I behave this way, I'm sabotaging my intimacy with God. Physical fitness and spiritual fitness cannot be separated, at least not in my world. When I choose food to give me comfort instead of letting the Comforter do his job, I become a bit fatter and a bit more deaf to God's voice, which has definitely happened this summer as I've lost all routine and all discipline!

But I took up arms again today. I went for a run, skipped my evening glass of wine, and am going to bed with my Bible instead of the trashy novel I finished last night. Let the battle begin. Again.