A Cake Decorating Feat

I am so proud of the birthday cake Anna and I made for Cerys, I just had to post it. Cerys really liked the movie "March of the Penguins" and this cute little show out here called Pingu that's all about a little penguin. So she chose a penguin cake. Check it out.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl

My baby turned three today. Happy birthday, Cerys Anna.

A Song that Taught Me this Week

God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me, the hope of Glory
You are everything

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me, the hope of Glory
Be my everything

Grammy

My grandmother died last month. It's taken me a while to figure out how I feel about her passing. She was my mom's mom, affectionately known by me and my sisters as "Grammy". I cried a little when I got the phone call from my mom, but I struggled to understand how I was feeling. I think I felt more like I should be sad rather than actually feeling sad. I felt bad for my mom because it's hard to lose your mother regardless of your relationship with her. And I felt lonely since I was so far away from my grieving family. But I didn't really feel sad for myself.

The thing is, my grandmother wasn't a very nice woman. I won't go into detail because it's not my story to tell, but she was not nice to my mom, and my mom was scared of her well into adulthood. I was scared of her as a little girl, and so were my sisters. As we got older and she got older, she softened a little, but by that time she was in a nursing home and we didn't get to see much of her. She loved to call people "dummy" after they had walked away from her, and the care staff at her home had documented abuse from her throughout her stay. She didn't have any friends because she didn't like anybody. She complained to my mom about having to live in a home, but she refused to do any of the exercises that her physical therapist prescribed for her after hip surgery, so she was confined to a wheelchair for the last decade by her own choice. Her favorite saying was "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" which was a mantra she did not feel applied to her.

Towards the end, she grew more and more meek. She suffered from severe dementia, and sometimes didn't even recognize my mom. She would ask for Charlie, her second husband who died almost 10 years ago, and Frank, my grandfather who died before I was born. She was convinced that she was 100 years old, and she was tired of living. My mom saw her for the last time three days before she died, and my mom asked her if she knew how much my mom loved her. She replied "a bushel and a peck" which is what she used to tell my mom as a little girl. I'm thankful my mom has that sweet scene as one of her last memories of her mom.

I wish that I had more nice things to say about her, but she didn't give me much to work with. I wonder how she felt in the end, looking back on her life. She had no friends, not a single person other than her immediate family who wanted to spend time with her. What a sad ending to 83 years.

But still, I loved my Grammy. And I hope she is resting in peace now.

Miss Daisy hits the road

Since getting my driving license I have been out and about entirely too much. All of a sudden my new found freedom has seen me traveling to Milton Keynes for unnecessary shopping trips, learning to use my automatic cooker so I can go visit a friend while dinner is in the oven, running around town delivering Creative Memories products instead of just sticking them in the post, and generally doing way too much just because I can. This has left my house in a state of disorder which has not been seen since Battison Street. Tim commented yesterday that it's amazing how I did without a car just fine for two and a half years, and now when he says he might want to drive to work today, I reply that I need the car.

It was a lot easier to walk and be concerned about the effect of carbon emissions on the environment when I didn't have the opportunity to drive short distances. It's a much bigger challenge to choose to leave the house ten minutes earlier in the morning to walk to play school and still get Cerys there on time than it was to leave on time when I didn't have a choice.

And while I had gotten used to feeling a bit lonely during the week and spending most of my time with just me and the girls, which did wonders for the state of my house, now I feel the need to zoom off for an afternoon visit on most afternoons.

Once the excitement wears off I'm sure I will be able to find a balance of good housekeeping and fun activities. But perhaps we'll leave that until after Anna goes home because I've got all sorts of fun things planned for her!