I just put Cerys down for a nap, and this is what she did while I was making her bed (she's taken to ripping the sheets off her bed every morning so she can make a tent with them. A tent being her wrapping the sheet around her head and body, curling up into a ball and saying, "look, Mom, I'm in a tent!" So I have to re-make her bed every day before naptime and before bedtime. But I digress...)
Cerys to Pooh bear: "Let's pray." Then she kneels down next to her bed with Pooh bear on her lap and says, "Jee-zsus, pray for Mike and Stacy that they not be sad." Then to Pooh bear: "Oh, you don't want to pray? Okay. Ay-men."
She's been pretty concerned about her pals Mike and Stacy since I went away for five whole days. Every day I was gone I would speak to her on the phone and she would say, "You still with Mike and Stacy? They still sad?" Her two-year-old mind can't quite comprehend what they're sad about and that they'll be sad for a long time, so it's a simple prayer "that they not be sad." Its sweetness cuts me to the heart.
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"I'm in a place of longing and wrestling and waiting" sounds like the perfect place to be for God to do His perfect will in your life. The questions you raise are eternal and I truly doubt that anyone has found the answer. I think they will come when we move from this life to the next. It has been my experience when I get to the point that I have to say, "I can't take any more..." the comfort comes. We know that He will not give us more than we can handle and I continue to pray that the death of one of my children and now I include my grandchildren is not something that He will ask me or my children to bear.
I sit here, reading all the inciteful, aesthetic, poetic, and believing truths brought forth by all the friends and church links, I find myself wanting (or, maybe, wanting to want) to feel the confidence and comfort presented. I can't. I don't. I know it's like a child having a temper tantrum, but I am MAD! I am angry that my prayers are not answered in the way I want them to be! I don''t feel like talking to HIM, or trying to "get in The Word". I just want to kick Him in the shins!! I have lost my little, warm, cuddly, sweaty, baby grandson! My daughter has lost her precious baby boy! My baby granddaughter will never know her twin brother, and must never feel like she is living in his shadow! Even the fact that I'll "see him again" is no comfort! I want him back NOW! Not sick, as he was, or struggling, but here, with hope that things would get better, stronger. Now, there is no hope... Thanks for listening. Nana
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